Choices: Chapter 1
by kamarina
Summary: A story about Solara, the Hero of Ferelden.


_**Choices**_

Chapter 1

_**Thud…**_

_**Thlip…**_

_**Flap…thud…**_

"…_sigh_."

"Uhmm, are you alright m'lady?" a voice quietly drifted down. "Do you need anything?"

_Yeah, for these memories to go away, I thought. Why did I agree to this. _

I stared at the top bunk above me. I wasn't supposed to be here until late morning, but I guess I had made good time. Only about seven hours early, or rather seven extra hours of torture.

"To be made tranquil…"

Petra let out a small gasp, "but…but why?!"

_Maker, why did I have to say that out loud?_

She continued, "you have led such an interesting life. Why do you want to lose everything that you have been through?"

"_Sigh…_I suppose that some days, like right now, I wish…" I hesitated trying to pick my words carefully. "I wish that some of my memories didn't haunt me so."

I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bottom bunk. It was almost dawn, maybe a walk would help, although I doubted that considering part of the haunting memories were from here.

"I'm going for a walk, Petra."

I heard the thud of feet dropping to the floor. "Would you like some company, Warden?"

"Please, call me Solara."

"Oh, yes…War…I mean Solara."

Although I really didn't want company, I liked to be alone and torture myself further. I agreed. "I supposed company never hurt anyone."

We stepped out into the dimly lit corridor, passing the other apprentice mages sleeping quarters. Nothing had change too much in the past three years that I have been gone. Well, except for the mages that were lost during the Blight. And to blood magic. Oh and the templars were gone as well. I wasn't here when Ulred started the revolt. But we did put a stop to the abominations. And stopped Gregoir from succeeding with his call of annulment.

We had been through so much already, from Ostegar to Redcliffe, I was expecting things to be bad here. But I wasn't prepared for what we were to see before we entered the Harrowing Chamber.

"_This trick again? I know what you are. It won't work. I will stay strong…"_

The hardest part had not been seeing my former acquaintances, and friends turn to blood magic, or dead. For death was a part of life. No, what hard was seeing the man I had feelings for once trapped in some blood magic force field.

"_Cullen! Don't you recognize me?"_

"_Only to well…how far they must have delved into my thoughts…"_

"_The boy is exhausted. And this cage…I've never seen anything like it. Rest easy…help is here." _

"_Don't touch me! Stay away! Sifting through my thoughts…tempting me with the one thing I always wanted but could never have…Using my shame against me…my ill-advised infatuation with her…a mage, of all things. I am so tired of these cruel jokes…these tricks….these…"_

"_There is nothing wrong with liking someone."_

"_It was the foolish fancy of a naïve boy. I know better now. You are a mage and I, a templar. It is my duty to oppose you and all you are."_

I knew at that moment everything he had felt for me was gone. I was one of **them **now. Nothing more than some evil, vile creature. This would mark the first time my heart would break.

"So…" Petra asked, pulling me out of my reverie. We had finally made it to the library.

"Yes, Petra?" I asked, stopping in front of some books on the fundamentals of healing.

"Uhmm, so why did you arrive so early? I mean I don't think the First Enchanter had expected you until mid-morning. And why did he call for you? We are clearly under no danger here." Petra gave me a cold hard look. "We have no need for the 'Hero of Ferelden' to be here."

Ahh, there it was. I had a very strong feeling that I was unwelcome here. Despite the so-called welcome back feeling I was met with.

"I was invited to speak to some of our younger mag…."

"And furthermore," Petra started again cutting me off mid sentence. "your templar lover is no longer here. He transferred to Kirkwall. But maybe that's due to you asking for the Circle to have autonomy. Either way, I think **you **need to leave."

"_Sigh_…and why is that may I ask?" I replied crossing my arms, mentally trying to figure out what Cullen had to do with this.

"It's been three years! And you have done nothing to restore the Circle."

"Strange. And here I thought asking for autonomy was helping. And possibly clearing out the abominations was helping. And what in Maker's name does Cullen have to do with this?" Strange how you do what you can to help, and it's still not good enough. It wasn't like this was some easy task to be dealt with.

"Ah! You don't deny that you were lovers!"

_Really?! _"No, we were not. We **had **a mutual infatuation with each other. Nothing more, nothing less. Now tell me why you are being so hostile. And it's not just you being hostile. I get the feeling I am very unwelcome here."

"You want to know why we have come to hate you so? When we needed you, you weren't here! You were off being a Grey Warden."

"First off being a Grey Warden wasn't as easy as you might think. Being one of two Grey Wardens in all of Ferelden, wanted members might I add. We were falsely accused of killing King Cailan. I had assassins after me, and before we could get help to stop the Blight there were numerous things that had to be done first! So do you know how petty you sound right now!' By this time I was shouting. I knew my voice would carry through out the library and to the apprentices' rooms. But I was beyond caring at this point.

"Excuse me ladies?"

"_**What!"**_ I yelled at the quiet voice that had arrived next to me.

"_Gasp! _First Enchanter!"

I turned to my left, there stood the First Enchanter. Irving wore a pained expression. It was in that moment looking at his face, I could see the deceit that had led me here. I was not here to speak to the children as I was led to believe.

"First Enchanter, I apologize." Petra said quietly.

"Yes, well. Anyways Solara thank you for arriving. But I'm afraid I asked you here under false pretenses." Irving started to explain.

I brought my hand to my forehead, "_Sigh,_ why was I brought here?"

I heard footsteps behind me. Soft and skilled, those of someone who made it their job not to be noticed. I knew who walked like that, someone I had not seen in two and a half years. Someone I had considered a friend.

"Hello my dear Solara, it seems I have finally found you."

"Hello, Zev. But I believe you had to ask for help to finally find me." I replied coolly, I didn't want to be found. Something bigger was going on. "Now was this whole plan for me to be here a scheme?"

Irving let out a cough, "Yes, it was unfortunately. I didn't realize that having you here for such a short time, would upset so many mages, like Petra. Many believe, that you should have returned here and helped out instead of your duties in Denerim."

"I see. Do they think I've done nothing since defeating the archdemon. I had an obligation to new Wardens."

"Well…" Finally Petra was at a loss of words.

"It has been known that you are indeed staying in the old town of Haven."

"And when I was preparing to leave Denerim, I asked Wynne if all was well in the Circle and she told me that from her correspondence with you, that it was in fact back normal. So I left." Why did I have to defend why I wanted to be alone. It was none of their business.

"My dear, I have been sent to retrieve you. Two and a half years is a long time to be away. And you are very elusive, thanks to Irving leading you here I was finally able to find you." Zev piped in.

Hmm, Zev seems to have lost his touch if he resorted to outside help to find me. "What makes you think I want to go back to Denerim? So I can be heartbroken some more? I am fine being alone!"

"Solara, if I may…Petra. I believe you may take your leave now.

"Yes First Enchanter." I watched as she left. Smiling smugly as she finally got to say to me what others had wanted to for so long.

"As I was saying, Solara, are a great asset to Ferelden. You should go back and do what needs to be done."

_So this is what an intervention feels like…._

"My dear Solara, I am under orders to bring you back…"

"If you think…." I said sharply cutting Zevran off.

"No no no, no that order. Wynne. She has hired the wonderfully talented Zevran to bring you back. You are need to help with some apprentices or something of that nature."

"The wonderfully talented Zevran who had to call in help to find me?" I smirked.

"Yes, well. You are found now. No more speak of me calling in for help." Zevran replied.

"Okay, fine. I will need to go back to Haven to retrieve my belongings." and Duke. My faithful Mabari hound was already a bit upset when I didn't bring him along this time.

"Of course."

We started walking back to the main entrance of the tower. Mages were starting to leave their rooms to go to their lessons. Some recognized me and glared. Those who didn't smiled politely.

"Well Irving, I wish this had been a more pleasant experience. And I can't say that it has been pleasant. But farewell."

"Goodbye my child." Irving coughed a little bit more. It wouldn't be long before he retire and let someone else take over First Enchanter duties.

I glanced around, one more time at my former home. As much as I hated living here, being under lock and key, it was my home and all that I had known. I knew this would be my last time here. For I was unwelcome. I gave Irving one last hug, and walked out the main door and down to the docks. Soon I would be leaving another home, only this one I had come to love. I will be returning to the one place my memories haunt me the most.


End file.
